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Do You Mind If Someone Screams At You? A headhunter was on the other end of the phone. He was looking for an assistant to a CEO/Owner for a small, but very successful business. Essentially, he wanted someone at his disposal night and day. That didn't seem like a huge deal. And then the next question came..."Do you mind if someone screams at you?" As soon as I could get past the sirens going off in my head, and visions of Dilbert comic strips, I replied, "Yes, that's not acceptable". The headhunter continued, "Well, he probably wouldn't call you names, but he's a pretty hard driving guy and he raises his voice a lot". Whats Next Syndrome Terms like Postpartum, Post Traumatic and Post Gulf War are all well-known Syndromes - mysteries no longer to the medical community or even those of us who count ourselves among the great unwashed. We hear and read everyday about the negative outcomes from life-threatening trauma. The 9/11 attacks in New York City demonstrate all too clearly the psychological devastation left behind long after upsetting occurrences. The Power of Online Memberships Have you ever noticed geese flying overhead, whether that be south for the winter, or back home in the spring? Change vs Transition "There is a time for departure, even when there's no certain place to go." -- Tennessee Williams Life On The Receiving End Of Coaching What is it like to be on the receiving end of mentoring to improve your performance in pocket billiards and at the same time, participate in life changing coaching? What Rules! There are things that we do automatically internally that we don't even realize are the things that make us who we are. Our own rules for living that we hardly ever question, and even less frequently examine. Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions in December. Personal Life Coaching And How It Can Help You Coaching is an effective process used to support individuals in creating something new for themselves. I work side by side with my clients' coaching them by providing perspective and support for self-knowledge as they accomplish their business and personal goals. 4 Underused Hot Spots for Your Personal Branding Iron I'll never forget what my mentor told me: "Don't communicate in any way to any person without the stamp of your personal brand." Attitude is Contagious - Would Anybody Want Yours? Are you using the Life Potential you have been given? Or are you just existing? Value Based Leadership Coaching What can I do to be a better coach? The Eight Step Coaching Model describes the process, yet too often the focus is on techniques only. "How can I say it to win my point, get others to do things my way, or convince them?" Focusing only on one technique is fundamentally manipulative. Good leadership coaching, like good parenting, is a way of being as well as doing. This way of being, or our values, drives our behaviors. Like Olympic figure skaters, coaches should evaluate themselves in two areas; skills and style, the expression of your values. Pecked to Death By Ducks Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . . but a constant peck, peck, peck of negative feedback sure doesn't motivate you to change! One of my mentors called this gradual chipping away at one's self esteem, "being pecked to death by ducks." How to deal with it? There are ducks outside my window as I write . . . and I know that one sure way to make them go away, is to stop feeding them. Ducks need to eat a lot, and eat often, to keep going. If they can't get food from you, they'll try someplace else. So . . . how can you make this work for your brand of "ducks"? What about figuring out what there is about you that's FEEDING them? For example, are you reacting to their pecks? (Psychologists tell us that some people use a negative approach to get the attention they crave.) Are you working harder in response to their criticism? (When you do this, you are exhausting yourself and adding chocolate sauce to their dessert! The pecking won't end, I guarantee it.) I believe we feed our ducks when we take words of criticism home and brood. Most of us are programmed to take criticism much more seriously than we do praise, and many of us make almost a career out of taking criticism home to chew over . . . and over . . . and again. When Duck A criticizes me for DOING x, I have a choice. Take it home and make it last . . . or look the criticism in the face. If it's fair and valid, I may decide to stop x-ing (it's my choice). In fact, Duck A may have done me a good turn -- and one way to keep this in mind is to say (over and over if necessary), "It's about what I DO, it's not who I BE." A WORD ABOUT SYSTEMIC DUCK FEEDERS: Some organizations and groups encourage anonymous feedback, in the mistaken belief that this provides a safe environment for honest communication. WRONG! Anonymous feedback promotes dysfunctional systems . . . and dysfunctional systems are essentially "duck food silos." (I put a spin on an old mantra, "If you can't say it to his/her face, don't say it at all." Of course, sometimes we need help -- a mentor, an advocate, a companion, a safe structure. But whatever it takes, in healthy systems, constructive, behavior-focused criticism comes with a name attached, and if at all possible, is given face-to- face.) Finally: HOW NOT TO BE A DUCK: Before YOU criticize, think clearly. Figure out what is really bugging you. And then speak directly to the person with whom you have a problem. Use 'I' statements (a skill unknown to ducks, as far as I know). Rehearse ahead of time to be sure you're focused on behavior (Do-ing), not Be-ing. A good rule is to ask yourself, "How would this sound if she (or he) were talking to ME?" © Maureen Killoran, 2005 Mentors and Coaches: How to Be a Great Mentee or Learner When you invest your time in being a mentee you will be rewarded with accelerated learning and experiences from your mentor. You will learn from and avoid the mistakes that they may have made, learn about your industry, meet great people, form valuable relationships and be able to mentor someone in your future. If your organisation offers a mentoring program, sign up and get involved. If there isn't a formal mentoring program, suggest one or identify people you would like to learn from and approach them about mentoring you. If you are going to approach someone about being your mentor make sure you present yourself professionally and show your prospective mentor that you are serious and committed by having a mentoring plan in place. Becoming An Empowered Consumer How many times have you said to yourself?"I just wish that company would treat me like they appreciated my business!"? Coaching: The Art of Putting Yourself In Somone Elses Shoes COACHING STEPS: The following are five (5) steps a coach can take to change behavior and performance. The goal of this process is to create the context for the person being coached towards one in which excellence becomes the norm. 1. Observe the action/behavior you want to change. 2. Describe the situation/action you saw. 3. Ask the employees what they saw, their perspective/point of view. 4. Tell the person how you saw the behavior, then 5. Describe what needs to happen instead and why - if appropriate. Loving Every Phenomenal Part of You Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring to leaving your precious life on this Earth; but rather, just wished you weren't a certain way or did not have some particular qualities and mannerisms that were so apparent to you. I know I have. Forget Resolutions - Craft A Life Theme That Works How many people do you know who, in January, enthusiastically name their resolution for the year yet somehow neglect to follow through with it a few weeks or months later? Forget making New Year's resolutions. They rarely work because they are often based on "shoulds" versus the bigger picture of your life. What I've found does work is creating a life theme for the year ahead.Your life theme will be your overriding intention or "big picture" focus for the upcoming months. It has an expiration date of December 31, when you'll get a chance to re-evaluate your direction. Having a life theme is like having a personal mission statement for your whole life, personal and professional, updated annually. A life theme works because it takes into consideration and connects all your intentions for the year in a succinct and powerful phrase. This collection of one to five words describes what you want to accomplish in all areas of your life and cements your main priorities with intended action.Discover Your IntentionsPerhaps as you've explored who you are and what you want to create for your life, you've noticed that "Wellbeing" or "Wellness" has come up for you over and over. Or perhaps you've noticed more of a "Relationship" theme. Or maybe the word "Passion" has tugged at your heart repeatedly, or you've focused on "Patience." These are all great themes for the upcoming year. Through your own personal discovery, you may recognize that you haven't made time in your life for many friends, that your networks are weak and that you'd like to have a social circle beyond your immediate family. Your life theme in this case could be "Connection." It may be you've realized that your life is far more filled with work and errands than with fun and play, and you want to fix that imbalance. Your life theme then could be "Energize." Feel the MagicBase your theme on what you find joyful and what you want to accomplish both personally and professionally. Your theme needs to strike an emotional chord with you and bring a smile to your face when your say it. You must own it. You must feel your theme's magic. It must propel you forward. Now take a few moments to reflect on the bigger picture vision you have for your life. What would you like to accomplish first? What will bring you joy and fulfillment with your work, your family, and your personal time? What is the essence of what you wish to experience in this upcoming year? When you have an idea of what it is you wish to create and who you want to "be," take some time to meditate or concentrate on developing your life theme. The right phrase for you may come to you immediately, or it may take some time to evolve. Brief is BestWhen the phrase does reveal itself to you, try to keep it to a maximum of five words. Brief is better. Feel the power of these concise life themes: "Let go. Rebuild. Move Forward. Growth and Independence. Balance and Follow-through. Connection. Stretch. Calm and Quiet." You might have to live with your life theme for a week before you know that it's the one that will speak to you for the next year. You will know when you've got it. Get StartedOnce your life theme is clear, write it down. Put it where you will see it every day as a reminder of where you are heading in 2005. Tell loved ones, friends and colleagues what your life theme is. The more often you say it and share the more real it will become. Every time you make a decision large and small put it through your life theme filter. If your theme is "connection" say yes to building friendships, social invitations and neighborhood parties. If your theme is "adventure and fun" perhaps you say no that new pair of shoes and yes to signing up for a rock climbing course. The most surefire method to ensuring you live your life theme is to ask yourself every morning when you wake "what can I do today to experience my life theme." The key to success is to be intentional with your thoughts and actions on a daily basis. By living intentionally and with purpose you'll never feel the need to make another New Year's resolution again. Personal Development Profiles Personal development profiles, also known as personality profiles, are a tool I frequently use before starting a course of coaching with a client. The client answers a series of questions about preferred behaviour styles and their responses generate a report which outlines their strengths, areas for improvement, blind spots, their contribution to the team, ways they could improve their communication and how to deal with challenging people. Who Do You Talk To? Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business. You probably find yourself being very busy, possibly working long hours and, if you are honest, being reactive most of the time. When do you get (or make!) time to really think about your business or the way you are operating personally? (Working on the business rather than in it!) Among the dilemmas you face are; making time to tune out and relax, time think about the business, and finding time talk to about the issues and frustrations. Executive Coaching -The Business Benefits Executive coaching is an investment for you and your business and you need to understand what returns you will get. How exactly will you benefit from it?
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