Why We Choose Our Parents

There is a concept in Jewish mystical thought known asgilgul, which can be translated as reincarnation.Gilgul does not necessarily mean that a soul in itsentirety has been reincarnated; it may only be anitzotz, or spark of a soul, that is reincarnated.That is to say that an individual can possess anitzotz from the soul of someone who has livedpreviously. Gilgul occurs when the precedingincarnation of that soul has more to accomplish.

Rabbi Menashe Ben Israel of the 17th century writesthat the word, gilgul, in Hebrew letters equals thenumerical value of 72, which is also chesed, theHebrew word for kindness. When this type of numericalconnection occurs,it implies a conceptualrelationship. In this case, reincarnation is seen asthe ultimate kindness, in that a soul is given anotherchance for the refinement of its past and thespiritual advancement of its future.

Ultimately, a soul can never fail. To succeed, thesoul will come back as many times as necessary tofulfill its spiritual mission. This is the view of theKabbalists, who call the process of the soul'sreturning for the purpose of rectification tikkun, orrepair. Sometimes it is discussed as the birurhisaron, or the clearing of a shortcoming.

If greatness is your soul's destiny, then to achieveit, it's only logical that you have a plan. Just asyou would not head off to college without knowingabout the school you'll be attending, souls do notrandomly incarnate into this world. Rather, soulsarrive with a very specific curriculum containing bothgoals and challenges. Your parents are a big part ofthat program.

It is in this respect that the Hasidic master RabbiYisrael of Rhizin teaches that our souls choose ourparents. While the reasons for a soul's choice ofparents will vary, it is always significant. Reasonscan include past life relationships, or simply theconducive environment that the parents can provide forthe soul in achieving its overall goal.

In a broad sense, your parents are the guarantors ofyour mission. How this works is different in everycase. One possibility is that your parents willprovide positive mentoring, as guides and as a supportsystem. Another is the opposite - that they will modelfor you what you do not want to become and thusclarify the positive direction in which you need togo. For many it is a combination of the two. The keyis to know that directly or indirectly, your parentscreate the fire behind your passion to grow towardyour spiritual advancement.

Here is an exercise to help you find out what yourpurpose is in this world and what role your parentsare playing in it. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Regardless of what I do for a living and what myobligations are, what is the theme that most obviouslyis pushing my soul forward in life, day after day?

2. What is the one theme that best describes the forcepulling my soul off track day after day?

3. What role have my parents played, directly orindirectly, in developing these themes?

Why bother looking at these themes at all? Becausethrough them we can discover the real reason we choseto come here this time around, and as an added bonus,we may discover why we chose our parents to raise us.Ultimately, the biblical commandment does not obligateus to love our parents, but to honor them. Honor inHebrew is kibbud, which literally means "to makeheavy". To honor our parents means to acknowledge themas people of tremendous worth in our pilgrimage oflife. It demands effort and often requires a tolerancefor emotional pain, yet it is the most dignifiedendeavor of an entire lifetime.

Copyright 2000 by Michael Ezra Ozair, Los Angeles, CA. Prepared in collaboration with OLAM Magazine. Please distribute freely for non-commercial purposes.

Rabbi Michael Ozair has been providing spiritual guidance for the last 15 years to a very wide and diverse range of people. He is an ordained rabbi, a well sought after scholar in the area of Kabbalah, published author, life coach and spiritual counselor. Michael's expertise stems from merging his knowledge as a teacher of metaphysics with his experience in practical counseling. He can be reached at coach@kabbalahcoach.com or by visiting his site at http://www.KabbalahCoach.com