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Your Perfect Partner
A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great "catch"and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why herrelationships always seemed to fail. Here's what she wrote to us--"I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched,hoping for love to come my way. Then I started readingyour newsletters. I carried a lot of personal baggage frommy past and set unrealistic standards and expectations formylovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail.I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I made sure I would be in control when they did." In this situation, Jane has an incredible opportunity infront of her. She can continue as she has been, beingfearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or she can learn from what she has discovered about herpatterns from the past. It's been our experience that we attract the people into ourlives who show us what we need to heal within ourselves, newpossibilities for the future, and the contrast of what wewant and don't want in our lives. We take the rather contrarian view that there are norelationship mistakes or failures and only opportunities to heal, learn, grow and experience joy. Even though "Jane" thought her relationships were failures,each one was actually another chance to become moreemotionally aware of what was going on inside her, whatshe wanted for her life and to give her an opportunity toheal and create new ways to do it differently. What we have found is that we keep attracting the same type of person, not just intimate partners, and experiences into our lives until we heal the past and "do itdifferently." Otto's car is a black Buick Century with leather seats.He's very hot natured and since we live in Ohio where the summers are very hot and humid, he suffers in his "hot"car. He loved the way the car looked on the showroomfloor, but his day-to-day experience has given him a powerfullesson of what he doesn't want in a car. As you can imagine, he'smade a clear intention through the power of contrast thathis next car will not be black or have leather seats. He had an opportunity to learn this lesson when he was 18years old and drove a black Ford Pinto station wagon with noair-conditioning to Tampa, Florida at the beginning ofAugust. He swore then as he sat in traffic with sweatdripping onto the steering wheel that he'd never have another blackcar. Obviously, he hadn't learned this lesson so he needed tobring another black car into his experience. The point is that Otto has finally learned from thisvaluable experience and will do it differently the nexttime, although he really likes a lot about his current car. This story is an example of coming to an awareness of what you want and what you don't want and of learning from past experiences that are not "failures" but are opportunitiesfor expansion and growth. Please don't misunderstand us and think that we arerecommending that because you don't like something aboutyour current partner or job that you "throw them away" andget another "model." What we are recommending is that you take the opportunityto become emotionally aware, like "Jane" did, as much of thetime as possible. Decide that you deserve to have a great relationship and a great life, whatever that means to you. We are inviting you to learn from the past and the power of contrast so that you can begin creating the life you want. Here are some ideas to help you... 1. Whenever something is important to you, don't stuff itdown and pretend it doesn't matter. Have the courage toshare it with your partner. 2. Accept responsibility for your part in pastrelationships that haven't worked out the way you wantedthem to work out. Look for reoccurring patterns that will showyou where you need to heal. 3. Know that there's no such thing as failure inrelationships, only experiences that you may not haveenjoyed. 4. Embrace the idea that no matter what has happened inyour relationships up until now, the future can bedifferent. So in a sense, each person who comes into our lives is "the perfect partner" for us if we use these experiencesthat we have with them to heal, learn and grow. *********
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