|
|
| www.1001TopWords.com |
|
|
Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)
I WAS AMAZED I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father andhis son had entered the men's room. While I was washing myhands, I listened as the father wielded a series ofdemanding and demeaning statements at his son as if theywere swords in a battle for ... who knows what? And all about going to the bathroom quickly! It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had beenslain. The battle was won. The general had summoned hisone-man army to do his bidding. It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There wasno consideration for the feelings or physical needs ofthe young person. The "bad boy" had won the day -- and the bad boy was notthe son. It was the son's insensitive dad. I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacationexcept for one aspect: watching fathers deal with theirchildren. I was sad. And I was angry. The "interesting" thing was that when I related thisobservation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceededto share with me *their* same discouragement while they wereon a recent trip to a theme park. Their message was the same: "We had a great time.The only discouraging thing wasseeing dads with their children." I AGREE: IT'S NOT EASY I am a father and I would be among the first to declare thatraising children is not an easy task. Parts of it are rough. Real rough. I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as afather. But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me afterobserving my relationship with either my children or grand-children: "We saw the most discouraging thing today. This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids wasawful. No respect. No honor. Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya,it was sad." WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen manyloving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love*watching those types of dads relate to their children. Itis one of my personal delights in life With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestionsfor a better way: a better way for fathers to relate totheir children than the two negative examples I have sharedwith you. I will center my suggestions on five themes: 1. Consideration Two comments as I transition into my suggestions: *You will quickly discover that this will not be a longand drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy. *Many of the points will be shared through using simple"affirmations" -- or descriptive comments if youplease. These affirmations will help you personalizewhat is said. So... We have discussed a few of the "bad boy" characteristics. Let's turn our attention to five characteristics of the"good boys." That is, men who are determined *not* to bethought of as "one of those insensitive dads." CONSIDERATION Consideration says... "I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturitylevel and emotional capabilities of the child I am relatingto at the moment." Because of the important aspects of the statement you justread, I'm going to repeat it and break it down for you. That's my part. Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it onemore time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you wouldhave liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making. "I adjust RESPECT Respect says... "I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthyof my honor, approval and love." This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wraparound my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of myhonor, approval and love -- from the beginning. It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in mefrom "Day One" so-to-speak. HUMILITY Humility says... "Because I am still learning, I give my child space and timeto learn." "Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child whenhe or she fails." "Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me forreasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled andself-centered anger when dealing with my child." COMPASSION Compassion says... "I am a 'show and tell' person. *I show my child I care. "I strive to be gentle, not harsh." "I care and my child senses it." LOVE Love says... all of the above. A DISCLAIMER Let me make something perfectly clear: children can -- anddo -- hurt their parents. Good parents. Parents who in a very real sense lay downtheir lives for their kids and still get kicked in the gutswhile trying to help their children be happy and succeed inlife. These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that noone really wants to understand. I salute those parents. You may be one of them. So my disclaimer is... *I realize this is a two-sided fence *My purpose is not to add guilt to a consciencealready plagued by the "Why's" of their child'sbad attitudes and behavior -- in spite of hundredsof hours of trying to do what's right. Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents --and especially a dad since that is the topic of thesecomments -- I want you to hear these words: "I thank you for trying." I thank you for trying and for the lonely hoursyou have spent that only you, and possibly yourspouse -- and God -- knows about... The tears. The heartache and the pain that goeson and on as each new report surfaces about someaction or attitude your child has displayed." For those times, tears and heartache -- I reflectto you my appreciation. And I'm sure Irepresent only one of many voices that wouldecho the same to you if they could. Therefore, review these comments and take noteof each positive thing you have done. Take abow. You deserve it." Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time, Lee © Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included. How much is A Beautiful Moment In Time worth to you? Stop by and see! Go to -> http://www.motivation-for-daily-living.net
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Making Internet Chat Safe For Your Children No matter what you say or do, your kids will chat and use IM (instant messengers) over the internet. That's a given. But since you have the obligation to protect your children, be aware that there are parent-friendly software tools that can assist you. Treatment Options for ADHD Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very effective in the treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder symptoms. Although it has potential side-effects which many families would like to avoid, we have seen it help a lot of people. More recently, other interventions such as EEG biofeedback training have shown themselves to be very useful in treatment as well. A great deal of energy and money has also been invested into the development of non-prescription treatments for ADD ADHD. Now, Theyre Bullying My Daughter In Our Home: Welcome To Cyber-Bullying Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages like this now for weeks. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer on. Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children "Walk through any toy store and you will see walls and walls of toys that are loud -- toys that require batteries, have flashing lights, or that look like your child's favorite movie character. What is there for parents who want to raise children with imagination and curiosity? I'll tell you what we do. We choose to fill our houses with the following old-fashioned items. How To Live With Your Teenagers Untidy Room 'Whose room is it anyway?' Childhood Friendships Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary part of growing up. While some of our children will maintain these friendships into adulthood, many will not. Kids move away or they find other friends with more current interests and grow apart. Whatever form a childhood friendship is taking, know that these relationships are vital to your child's well-being and growth as a human being. Five Ways To Build Super-Strong Relationships With Your Children One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is "How do you show your children you love them?" Parents: You Can Do Something About Professional Sports Ethics Most of us can agree that there is a lack of ethics standards within professional sports today. The fact that many of today's sports heroes are ethical is a stroke of luck. The fact is - many sports superstars are good people, but what about the "bad apples" that shame their sport, teammates, communities, fans, and team owners? Helping Your Child Make and Keep Friends What Children Look for in a Friend? Teaching Your Child To Lift a Car Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one of the really cool things about having your own business!). The only bad thing about yesterday is that two of the kids are still sick-they have that cold with the horrible cough and congestion. Surprising Fun Solution to Kids Moods and Attitudes As a parent, are you at your wits end? Does your child control you? Does your child act up in public? Does your child ignore you, whine, argue, show disrespect, have "moods" or "attitudes", throw tantrums, and drive you crazy? If this sounds familiar, you aren't alone. Parents across the country face the same problems. And, teachers tell us over and over that kids are often disrespectful. Education can take a back seat because so much time and energy is spent on discipline. Are your children often out of control? Busy, Working Parents --- 22 Ways To Homeschool Your Kids If you're a single parent or a married couple on a tight budget so that both parents have to work, you may worry about finding the time and energy to homeschool your children, but it can be done. It comes down to planning and scheduling your time. Goal Setting for Kids Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However, teaching kids how to set and achieve goals is not part of most school curriculums, nor is it taught in most homes. Many parents never learned the techniques of goal setting, and are still struggling with their own. You don't need to know it all. While you develop your own goal-setting skills, you can also be helping and encouraging your children to develop theirs. Goal setting is a life-long skill. It helps your child to focus their unique gifts and talents, it helps to cultivate and strengthening your child's self-worth, and equips them to lead a life full of meaning purpose, and direction, regardless of the professional or personal paths they choose. Now, They?re Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages like this now for weeks. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer on. If your child is being bullied - 20 top tips for parents Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes school. For a fourthgrader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school thoughdoes not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied beforeschool, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wantingto go into that environment? The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or sayingthings to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing intoone's space without permission. Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're justmaking a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't wetell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it. WHAT CAN A PARENT DO? If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents thenthere are some very important questions to address.· Why wouldn't he tell his parents?· What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?· Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?· Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved insolving his problems. Tips for parents:· Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.· Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feelhurt, sad, and angry.· Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Askingquestions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.· Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do thethinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.· Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellentstrategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near asupervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.· Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what isgoing on.· Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.· Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.· Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrongmessage.· Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.· Teach your child how to defend him or herself.· Teach self-respect.· Give numerous positive comments to your child.· Avoid labeling or name-calling.· Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There arepositive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model thepositive ways.· Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it morelikely they will stand up to a bully.· Stress the importance of body language.· Teach your child to use 'I' statements.· Teach positive self-talk.· Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bullysays to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a coupledifferent ways:"Thanks for sharing""Yes, I know, I always have been""Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away. There is many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, whypeople bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is beingbullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. Allof these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.Visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com to learn what is possible. There are solutions. What To Do With A 6 Year Old Smart Mouth Know It All Just the other day, I was talking to some other stay at home moms and asked if they were struggling with any difficulties. "Yes," one piped up almost immediately, "discipline problems with my 6 year old smart mouthknow-it-all! I don't want to spank, and don't, but he seems to laugh at time out, privilage loss, etc. What do I do?" Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average college student takes 5.3 years to earn a 4-year Bachelor's degree. Other data included that college retention is mediocre at best with a national average around 50%. In Indiana, research reveals that for every 100 ninth grade students, only 21 will graduate with a bachelor's degree within 6 years. Read more about this disturbing trend and a viable solution at www.processspecialist.com/youth.htm How to Foster a Love of Reading and Writing in Your Child The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When reading and wiring are a regular part of your family's life, you send your child the message that they are enjoyable, valuable and great ways to learn. Here are some ways you can start helping your child: Does Your Child Need A Bedtime Routine? - Yes! Do you struggle to get your child to bed at night? We sure did with our daughter. She would refuse to go to sleep in her bed and wanted to hang out with us until we were ready for bed and of course then she would want to sleep in Mama's and Daddy's bed. Getting Through to Your Teenager Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that you've made yourself) after you've warned them at least a thousand times? Is there anything more frustrating as a parent?
|
| © Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013 |
