Repeat Offender

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 8, 2002

I am a 26-year-old escort, in the business on and off since I was 14. I have a tendency to get involved in very bad relationships.

The men I go out with are usually abusive with substance abuse problems, and generally I end up supporting them. I don't have many friends because it seems people only deal with me because they are trying to use me.

I've worked regular jobs, attended some college, and also got my real estate license. I wasn't happy being "square" and am not happy now, but I can't afford to stop escorting or I will lose everything. Happiness never lasts long for me. I am looking for something in life to keep me going, and the only thing that's doing it is my massive stack of bills.

Recently I got involved with a man who treats me better than anyone has in a long time. For the first time ever, the feeling is mutual. He makes me smile, and I don't believe he would ever abuse me. We want to settle down and even have kids.

The problem is he is on parole and is supposed to turn himself in soon to do about two years. That's a long time to wait, and I'm tired of my life being on hold. We have considered the option of him not turning himself in, but then I will be forced to keep escorting to support us.

Either he goes to prison and I'll be alone, or we're together and I support him. And what if I get sick of him being so dependent on me? Where will he go? I want the house with the white picket fence and kids, but how can I get them with me being an escort and him on the way to the big house?

Maureen

Maureen, Thoreau said, "What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen."

If you are escorting for money, you should have huge savings and be living well. But you are in debt, using money to buy moments of happiness. You're treating yourself like devalued currency and acting as if you are not worth a good man.

Your boyfriend promises things he can never give you, and that is simply another form of abuse. Once you feel you are a person of value, you will feel equal to a man of value, a man who truly cares for you and is self-supporting.

Within you is a dream, and the way to achieve that dream is by breaking the cycle. You must take the initial steps to change, the steps when reward seems so distant you fear you will never get there. Good things take effort. If they didn't, everyone would have them.

Pay off your bills so you aren't trapped by debt. Then think about the life you need to be living to attract the right man. Think about what you always wanted to be, and what it will take to get there. Your dream is worth working for. With patience and courage, it can happen.

Wayne & Tamara

Perspective

A few weeks ago I was around some young women friends of mine, and they were talking about guys and the particular qualities they should have. One girl said a guy didn't have to be hot, but she had to think he was cute or adorable.

Another girl said she notices the little things most. She said her boyfriend calls her every night just to say goodnight. I was wondering what "little things" girls between 16 and 20 would notice.

Aaron

Aaron, for one girl, a phone call may be "sweet." To another, it might be taken as checking up. Since you can't read minds, the safest route is to be yourself.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.