Moving On Gracefully: Leaving Your Spiritual Group

While there are alot of warnings and admonishments regarding what to look for in a spiritual communitythere is very little to rely on when you are contemplating moving on.

Most folk consider leaving after some kind of personalblow up. They feel misunderstood or mistrust theleadership of the group. In a heated discussion theydecide to quit. There usually isn't alot of thinkingabout it, more of a emotional reaction. Their angeror feeling of victimization usually soothes them forquite a while after leaving as well as the storiesthey sometimes tell of how horrific things were forthem. Most of these folk are new, less than 1 year inthe organization and its easy to fall back on thecliche that 'it just wasn't right for them'.

But what about the seeker who has devoted a inordinateamount of time to the group, let's say over 5 years? A personal blow up isn't going to cause a dedicatedmember to lose her cool and quit...At least not rightaway. She knows disagreements come and go, as well aspeople, but she's committed to her path and theDeities she serves.

What type of things should she consider? The retreatthat she's organized faithfully for the past fewyears? Or the land that the group purchased with alotof hard work and sweat where she planted a grovededicated to Diana? Should she continue to work on thenewsletter that only she knows how to layout? Orshould she stop doing the outreach programs to localschools and media that she does every Samhain?

She is acutely aware of the part she plays in thegroup and what she will miss as well as all of thethings connected to it.

What types of things could she look at to help thedecision and resulting transition to move as smoothlyas possible?

Here's a several ideas and suggestions to think aboutwhen dealing with the decision to leave a coven,circle, temple, or other type of spiritualorganization.

These suggestions only work if the organization youare involved with respects and trusts your judgementof what is right for you. This may sound ludicrousfor some folk but alot of organizations do not. Ifyou are involved in a organization that doesn'tencourage you to review your journey with yourspiritual leaders, to sit down and be honest aboutyour thoughts of leaving and why, and doesn't offeryou any support during the transition in a healthymanner, these suggestions may not be useful to you asa tool to use with the leadership but to work with ina journal or a supportive friend or counselor.

1. Review your committment to the organization. Beforeyou leave completely consider gently passing on takingon new responsibilities. Perhaps you may find anotherpath of service to the organization as fullfilling asthe one you last held.

2. Take a sabbatical. Time away from a situation canlend some clarity to it that being involved cannot.

3. Realize that you may have grown and changed in someways you aren't completely aware of. For all of therhetoric of facing your shadowself and the relateddrama you may have simply reached a point in your lifewhere you are ready to pursue another path of personalgrowth. If you are fortunate you may be able tomaintain your same spiritual family, but then again,you may not.

4. If you are feeling that the group is stagnant,consider organizing a new program with the support ofthe group. You may feel as if the group isn'tgrowing. After mapping out the work hours andresources needed you may choose to consider a newoutreach project or program to pursue within thegroup.

5. Consider that you could be in resistance to growingin the particular way that this group is supportingyou to grow. Sometimes as much as we think we areopen minded and flexible our spiritual path can act asa magnifying glass to show us areas where we are notas we see ourselves to be. Instead of quitting bestill and realize that the situation you are in justmay be something you simply don't want to deal with,not a situation to run from. It may be a challenge tobe faced.

6. Review your goals and boundaries within the group.It is possible that you have met your original goalsfor joining, or perhaps you didn't have any when youjoined. Now with new responsibilities and changes inyour life you don't have the free time you had beforeto attend every group function. Look at what yourgoals are. What are you in the group to do? Why areyou in this particular group? If you don't know it isimportant that you find out. It is easy to feelunfullfilled when you haven't any clue whatfullfillment is to you or how to measure it.

7. Look at the role you play within the group. If youare involved in committees that aren't working chooseto relinquish that role when your term on thecommittee is up. Don't have a term? Start encouragingthe group to set them. Not just for yourself but foreveryone involved. Burnout can be dealt with andavoided with some planning.

Working with these ideas may make the differencebetween revitalizing a spiritual organization orleaving it altogether.

Meri Tahset is a Spiritual Counselor, Sistaservant of the Spirits, and Aborisha. She is co-founder of the Forces of Nature Metaphysical and Spiritual Center of Seattle WA. More info about her online courses in healing, rootwork, and spiritual studies can be found at http://www.sistahealer.com and you can reach her at forcesofnature@mindspring.com and (206) 781-3565.