|
|
| www.1001TopWords.com |
|
|
Dispell Anger in 2 Simple Steps
"It really works!" "Well, I'll be?!" BJ like so many others in the workshop was astounded that a technique so simple could produce such an amazing result. You must try it. Next time your partner flares up in anger do this. In a very non-threatening calm and sincere tone of voice say... "You're really mad right now?" or "Something I did made you angry?" And watch the energy change. The anger dissipates almost like magic. A sense of relief replaces the intense emotion. Most every time acknowledging anger in a compassionate manner diffuses the emotion and a rational conversation can continue. It works for life and business partners, for parents of teenagers, employers and staff, and even customer service representatives fielding calls from enraged consumers. A word of caution, this technique is not to be used with the violent abuser, the rage-aholic, or a person under the influence of a mood altering substance. With this population this approach may well back fire and heighten the negative emotion instead of diffuse it. However, it works fantastically 99% of the time with those of us average folk who get frustrated and mad due to life's common stresses. Wait a minute though, we're not done yet, there are two important keys to this 'magic' that you must remember: Tone of Voice: This is so critical. If you come across the least bit hurt, angry yourself, or sarcastic you dispel the magic. Your partner, friend, child or colleague will get defensive and the anger will not dissipate. Your tone must be calm, totally sincere, warm and kind. For it to be that way you have to feel that way. Not necessarily easy if you are experiencing elevated emotions yourself. Therefore this tactic generally works best right at the onset of a possible argument and not when one is already raging. So, the key here is act quickly, focus on remaining calm and genuinely feel for the other person. Verbally identify the Anger: Formulating the right words is not as crucial as coming across sincere and kindly. It is important that you verbally state the perceived emotion, in this case anger. You may choose to label it 'frustration' or say 'annoyed' instead of 'anger' which ever you feel fits best. The important thing is to identify it in a questioning manner. Yes, it must be a question and not a statement of fact. You must allow the other person to confirm your assumption. If you express your comment as a fact your partner, friend, child or colleague is liable to stay anger and put up more barriers instead of allowing them to crumble. Key here is to pose a brief question regarding the anger you perceive in such a manner that the other responds in the affirmative. "Yes I am" is accompanied or immediately followed by a sense of release and a rational conversation is once again possible. Where to go from here, well, that's for another discussion, for now just remember to stay calm and focused on the issue at hand and you'll do fine. Remember, life is short?ENJOY! Margrit Harris Margrit is a former Team Relationship Consultant for First Union Securities [now Wachovia], Morgan Stanley, and many small business owners and professionals. She was a marriage and family therapist for several years as well. Today Margrit offers free relationship advice on-line, writes articles for Horsesmouth [an on-line service for financial advisors] and makes money selling her Relationship Tests [called Awareness Tools]. Soon her Relationship Principles e-books [for Life and Business Partners] and other stuff to make bad relationships good and good relationships great will also be available at http://www.stratateam.com/WhyitWorks.asp
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
In The Midst Of A Storm, Theres Something More! Have you truly tried and still failed? Have you pushed on a piece of string so long that you think Methuselah would be proud of you? Have you held your temper so long that you feel you're about to blow a gasket? Well?.., this is your lucky day. Sit back, grab some coffee, Yuk, and go where failures fear to tread. Finding Meaning in Life: Three Steps So how do we find meaning? The first step is through personal experiences ? experiences through something to which we are familiar and through someone we value. Develop your appreciation of beauty ? that is heightening your sensitivity to beauty such as in great art or wonders in nature. The most important of all these type of experiences is the love we feel toward each other. To love another and to demonstrate this to such an extent as to allow your beloved to develop ? and by doing this we will find that we develop meaning ourselves. Love is the highest purpose to which we can aspire. Why We Shouldnt Worry Almost everyone experiences some form of worry one time or another. It is a part of life. Everyday, we struggle financially, make decisions, and face major changes in life. These things create an inevitable occasional wave of apprehension. Ordinarily, a certain amount of worry is essential for our survival. It helps us to focus on the task at hand and leads us to constructive action. However, when worry goes overboard, instead of being a good friend, reminding us to use good sense, worry suddenly morphs into a bully, making us crazy about things we can't control. Here's a list of reasons why constant worry is not good, if it is at all: Banish Shallow Breathing And Boost Self Esteem! You know, very often, the manner in which a person holds himself or herself can impact quite noticeably upon their own feelings of self worth and also on how deeply they breathe. Have a Present Moment! It was the 10th day of rain, and I walked into the pool locker room feeling a little soggy around the edges. I asked my pool friend, Laurie, how she was and she said, "Bright and cheery. It's a wonderful day and I'm going to accomplish a lot of good things." Laurie, who is recovering from hip surgery and on most days can be seen walking around the locker room with great care, wiggled her cane at me from under the shower. Feeling Grouchy? Heres What to Do I woke up this morning feeling sour. Are You A Victim Of FABS? Part 2 When you have a case of FABS, it may be hard to eradicate, but it is far from impossible. Fear, Anger, Blame and Shame may be different emotions, but they can all be gotten rid of in the same ways: Using The Negative in a Positive Way ? God Does It All the Time I loved Norman Vincent Peale's, Power of Positive Thinking as much as any book I have ever read. I have read Napoleon Hill's books and I am an ardent believer in almost everything Dale Carnegie ever wrote. I have notes scribbled on the back pages of my Bible from Carnegie's?How to Win Friends and Influence people, albeit I refused to read it at first thinking the title was too corny. For years now I have both pondered and studied the effects of positive thinking and talking, as against negative thinking. I have agonizingly and carefully begun to approach something that might at last qualify for a conclusion. The TRUTH About What REALLY Causes Negative Thoughts Do you feel that your negative thoughts are holding you back from being happy in life? You're about to discover HOW you can still live HAPPILY when things don't go your way... even if your lifeis filled with conflict and turmoil right now... and you can't see a way out. Define Yourself With Confidence As a trainer of coaches I often teach my students to move beyond the skill of coaching into the skill of self-trusting. Having great mastery of a specific skill is important, but without self-mastery all we become are manipulators of open-ended questions. Coaching is much more than that. Get the Confidence to Be Your Best A confidence crisis is looming with a recent study showing that 3 out of 4 of us would love to be more confident but don't know how to go about it. Taming Your Gremlin "Who am I fooling?" "I'm a loser," "I'm too old," "I'm fat," "I'm not smart enough," "I have no talent," "I'll never finish it," "It's too late," "I'm not good enough," and on and on. First Aid For The Soul A Model of the dysfunctional, unconscious human psyche.A way through, from confusion to consciousness. Management of the Almighty Anger Apart form the Emotions and the attitude, Anger is a quite unsolved thing. we become angry when things are not according to us or not as we want, or not up to our expectation. We just simply becomes angry to satisfy & gratify our ego, super ego and false ego. Understanding Visualization Visualization is the art of using ones imagination to influence his/her being and existence in many different ways. Such as: Healing one's self, increasing personal growth, influencing the outcome of circumstances, attracting wealth and love, changing habits and acquiring possessions. How to Cope With Your Inner Food Critic Every day that I eat EnergyRich? Food, I get almost instantaneous results. It's wonderful: I feel good about myself, I am productive in my work, I am available for my friends and family. These days are the rockin' days and make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Beware: Your Mind is a Battle Field! When Letter of Hope from Hospital Patient Hospital patient undergoing surgery recounts how Hero Soul provided strength, inspiration, and hope during recovery Need A Miracle? Build One, Everyday! Henry Ford, after he had achieved great success, was the subject of much public criticism. Many people thought that he was very lucky, some thought he was a genius, some thought he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, some thought that powerful friends and influential people were the "secret" of his great success. Why some people even thought he was so mean, that once he found out there would not be any chocolate in heaven, he would decide not to go. Let's uncover the real story. Stop Complaining You don't need to a piece of paper to prove that you can do something! I don't have anything against achieving or completing degrees or obtaining masters and all that ? absolutely nothing. In fact, I am a law graduate myself and will strive to provide good educational background for my kids in the future. But I am sick and tired of people complaining about how they wish they could do something and not being qualified to do it! I mean COME ON!! Get real??
|
| © Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013 |
