Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers

There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theoriesand techniques out there. Many of them are widely usedand treated as the gospel. But if you want to be an effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on common sense rules that have always worked. They won't always make you the most popular Dad, but they'll always be effective:

Rule #1 Expect a Great Deal From Your Kids

If your kids know that you expect a lot from them,they'll rise to the occasion. Everything fromsaying please and thank-you, to efforts in schoolor on the athletic field. If expectations are madeclear in a loving atmosphere, your kids will knowyou think a lot of them. And when they know this,they'll respond.

Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be Part of the Problem

When you're convinced that someone in your familyis causing the problems and you're blaming themfor it, you better realize that this problem won't get betteruntil you accept that you're making it worse by blaming.It may feel good to blame, but it never improves anything. Only love and acceptance will make a positive difference.

Rule #3 Know Your Child's Life Intimately

It's sad to see how many fathers know the stock marketmore intimately than their own child. Get to know all you can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes are, etc. By showing interest, you're showing you love them. By not asking, you show that they're not that important to you.

Rule #4 Say "No" to Your Kids

There's an awful lot of stuff out there for kidsthese days...and of course they want to have itall. Kids who get almost everything they wanttypically aren't very happy kids. Kids learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification when they're told no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, butsaying no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy, and cooperative kids.

Rule #5 Hitting or Spanking Your Kids Doesn't Work

There are plenty of studies showing that kids whoare spanked have lower self-esteem. Spanking yourkids will also be likely to increase the very kinds of behaviors that you're spanking them for. As a father, do you really want your child to be afraid of you?

Rule #6 Treat Your Partner Extremely Well

This is where your kids get their most importantinformation about relationships between their parents. Make a great effort not to fight in front of the kids. Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.

Rule #7 Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Many parents spend time threatening their childrenwhen their kids aren't cooperating. But if youdon't follow through on the consequences, you canthreaten till the cows come home. Your childrenwill learn to ignore the threats. They willunderstand action. If certain privileges are takenaway because of their lack of cooperation, they'lllearn very quickly that you mean business. Tryyour best to align the consequences with theaction. ( "If you don't clean your room in time,you won't have time for stories before bed.")

Rule #8 Really Listen to Your Kids

Don't just hear their words, but learn tounderstand the meaning behind what they say aswell. "I'm picking my own clothes!" might mean thatyour child wants more responsibility orindependence. Be able to reflect back what yourchild says to you. If you want your child tolisten to you, you absolutely must listen toher/him.

Rule #9 Give Your Kids Responsibility as They GrowOlder

When your kids are very young, perhaps they justhelp make their beds in the morning and keep theirrooms clean. As they get older, add things totheir list. Tell them that this is how a familyworks?everybody has certain things that they do.If you do it when they're young, it's more likelythey'll do it when they're older. Don't rewardthem for things that should be expected of them.

Rule #10 Tell Your Kids They're Great All the Time

It's especially important to tell them this whenthey're not at their best. It's easy to tell themwhen things are going well! Make it a point totell them specifically what you think is greatabout them. This will be more meaningful thangeneralized praise.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents byphone to balance their life and improve their familyrelationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.